One of the ways God reveals Himself to His children is through His names. Each time in scripture when you read His name, you are learning about His nature and character. One of those names, and one of my favorites, is Jehovah Jireh, which means “Yahweh my provider.”

When parents raise their children, everything is geared towards their independence so that they will eventually be able to support themselves. With our Heavenly Father, it’s just the opposite – the more you learn from and grow in Him, you learn to depend on Him even more. Maturity in Christ results in a greater willingness – and even an eagerness – to roll all of your burdens onto His shoulders as you trust Him to meet your every need. The process to get to this point isn’t a necessarily fun or easy one, but the intimacy between you and God that results is definitely worth it.

God had to break my dependence on myself in order to get me to trust that He was and is my Jehovah Jireh, and boy was that breaking process painful! For example, in early 2015 I was working as a permanent substitute and had just started living on my own. One day during this time, I checked my bank account online as I routinely do. This time, however, I shockingly discovered that I had written my tithes check for $2 more than what I had in my bank account. Although the difference was little, overdrawing was overdrawing, even for a petty $2 difference. I had just accidentally written a hot check – and to my church, nonetheless!

My heart sank. I had intended to give God all that I had, but I didn’t even have the amount I thought I had. In a desperate panic to literally give God everything, I grabbed my purse and got all of the change I could find (pictured above). I went to the bank and told the bank teller that it might sound crazy, but I needed to deposit that much. (I think it was around $2.57.) I cried and prayed and asked God to please forgive me for being a poor steward of all He had blessed me with.

The next day I checked my account to see if things had evened out okay. This time, it showed me that my change covered my tithes mistake, but a different check I had completely forgotten about (also written to my church) was now trying to go through – so I was significantly in the negative. I panicked and called to ask my mom if I could borrow the money from her, and she said I could. (God bless patient and understanding parents like mine!)

Through all of this I could feel Holy Spirit holding my hand and telling me to be calm, but my heart was broken because I had done something so wrong: instead of being a faithful steward of God’s financial blessings and keeping track of my spending, I was frivolously and recklessly blowing it on whatever I felt like at the time. This was no way to glorify and honor my providential Father.

I could feel the sting of chastisement, for I knew that I had to reap the consequences of my irresponsibility. My second check was returned and I was fined for writing a hot check. Budgeting the next month was tight because I had to rewrite my check to my church, pay my parents back, and figure in the fee I was charged for my check. Groceries were pretty sparse that month, but I can’t say that I suffered. God met my needs, as He always has.

Although I wasn’t a fan of facing my consequences that month, I was comforted by scripture. Hebrews 12 speaks about how God is our Father and we are His children, and the author asks the readers, “…have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. For the Lord disciplines the one He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives” (verses 5-6, emphasis mine).

So if you are struggling with consequences of your sin, or if the enemy is making you feel condemnation, remember that the Word promises there is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1). Remember that according to Hebrews, God chastises us when we sin because He loves us and He is making us like Jesus; that’s the process of sanctification. It’s painful sometimes, but if we endure patiently we will reap the fruit of righteousness. What great and hopeful news!

Since this incident I have learned to surrender all of my finances to God. Especially as a full-time missionary, I’m trusting Him to provide for my phone bill, my outreach fees, my travel, and my sustenance, 24/7. And you know what? Never once has He failed to meet every single one of my needs.

This summer He provided for me to go to Brazil and NYC for mission work, and this fall He provided my YWAM DTS fees for training in Kauai as well as my flight to and from outreach phase. When my financial needs arise, I’m not ashamed to open up to the church and tell them what I need help with, because if I don’t, I’m denying my Father an opportunity to use my church family to show His faithfulness; plus I would be denying them the blessing of being used and blessed by God, too!

So trust God, learn His names, and watch how He shows Himself faithful to those names. When He calls you, He will provide.