God is such a merciful and gracious Father. The more He reveals His grace to my heart, the more my gratitude grows. It’s simply astounding that our God is so kind, so loving, so good. This news moves my heart for those who don’t know what it means to serve such a God, and it stirs me up even more to go to the ends of the earth to tell them what – or rather, Who – is missing from their lives.

One such way God has shown me grace is by holding my hand and guiding me through revelations. He reveals things to me personally, then confirms what He reveals through another person. I feel honored to be able to have such an intimate walk with my Father through Jesus, and I know there’s nothing I did or ever could do to deserve His love.

During my DTS (Discipleship Training School), I got to experience a new level of depth of intimacy with Jesus, but God is teaching me that

intimacy with the Father comes from going through lots of different seasons with Him.

My DTS was a season of feeling God’s nearness, and it was my favorite season with God so far. However, in January God started to warn me that seasons were about to shift.

On January 2, my team of 10 students, 2 leaders, and 2 contacts sat in a small living room after worshiping together. We began to pray for one another, seeking God’s plans for after DTS. One of my teammates, Chris, prayed for me and got a picture of a large tree with lots of branches. He said that on these branches were memories of tangible encounters with God. His interpretation was that after DTS ended, I would often be referring back to moments during DTS in which I felt, heard, and saw God moving in and through me and my team. In the back of my mind what I wanted was for him to tell me that I would only be home for a brief time and then God would send me out again to the nations, so this message from God was not what I expected. Nevertheless, I wrote his words down and “put it on a shelf” for later.

A few weeks later God revealed more to me about what was to come.

On the morning of January 13, I joined my team for worship and intercession at a new location. The schedule here was worship from 8:00-8:30, intercession from 8:30-9:00, worship from 9:00-9:30, and intercession again from 9:30-10:00.

As I mentioned before, this had been a season of feeling God’s nearness, something that was very precious to me and made me feel so saturated in His love. Well, during the first session of worship on this particular morning, I did not feel God. It was strange because I had grown accustomed to tangibly feeling His presence, so this interruption was like a huge vacant hole of emptiness that I recognized immediately. My first reaction was panic. I heard God say to me, “I’m here,” but I still could not feel Him. This vacant feeling continued all throughout the first set of worship and intercession, no matter what I prayed. Even as I prayed aloud in my small group, my words felt half-hearted and I began to wonder if my teammates could sense that something was off.

For the second set of worship, I told Jesus I just want more of Him; I was desperate for closeness with my Savior. Our worship leader told us to fix our hope on Jesus’s return. The lyrics we sang ministered to me so perfectly: “I want to be with You… I will embrace the ache of a lovesick heart.” As we sang, the vacancy disappeared and I felt God’s presence return. I told Him that going an hour without feeling Him was almost too much. He comforted me by telling me that in Heaven I’ll never have to be without His tangible presence, and He told me that now He yearns to wipe my tears away. My heart was flooded once again with the gracious intimacy He so lovingly gives.

*Disclaimer: Christians live by faith, not by feelings (2 Cor. 5:7, Romans 1:17). We cannot be led by emotions because they are not constant; however, God is constant. It is so important to know that Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). God does, however, sometimes let us encounter His tangible presence (what I mean when I say I could feel Him) for different reasons and for different seasons. Just know that you can always trust His Word. Have faith regardless of your feelings.

Later that night, my team of 10 students and 2 leaders gathered for prayer and worship. During prayer, God showed me a picture of an apple split in half with two seeds in the core. This meant God was giving me two months of exceeding fruitfulness and intimacy with Him. This news should have thrilled me – but the first thing that crossed my mind was, “Wait – what happens after those two months??”

Gently God told me that after two months (I originally thought He said two years but He corrected me) I was going to go through a difficult and dry season. When this news sunk in, my heart dropped. I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as I talked with my Father to try to grasp what He was saying.

“But You promise not to leave me!” “I’m not leaving you.” “But I need Your presence!” “I am still with you even when you cannot feel Me.” “But I need to hear You!” “You always have My Word.” “But this season of intimacy has been my favorite!” “Seasons change but I remain the same.”

I sat there, feeling broken for the future, not knowing what to do. It sounds silly now that I’m typing it, but at the moment I felt utterly hopeless. My mind knew that God’s words of comfort were true and that it was gracious of God to give me a warning, but I felt hopeless. Worrying about the future consumed my thoughts, and for the moment I was unable to enjoy God’s current outpouring of His presence and tangible nearness.

I sat there, eyes closed and tears streaming down my face, when suddenly my teammate Bailey came over and sat in front of me. She said that God had given her a picture to give to me: it was a picture of the dove that Noah released in Genesis 8 that signified the end of the flood. Through this He reminded me to set my eyes on the hope of the promise that the coming dry season won’t last forever. Then He reminded me of the picture Chris had gotten a few weeks earlier of the tree with branches filled with memories, and I determined from that point to collect as many intimate encounters with my Abba as I could for this upcoming season.

So here I am, in what I call “God’s Waiting Room.” My heart is filled with gratitude that He is the same Father who let me partner with Him to see miracles in another country for the past three months. Writing this has filled me with a fresh dose of hope because I know that going through this current dry season is only going to strengthen my walk with my Yahweh.

It has not been easy since DTS ended and I came home to Louisiana. I’ve been sharing with lots of people, getting overwhelmed, avoiding highly populated areas, traveling all over the state to invest time and love into people, and trying to figure out what Abba wants me to do. For the past couple of weeks, every time I sought the Lord for direction, all He has repeated is, “Wait; be still; trust Me.”

Today He told me to make a list of all He is teaching me during this season:

• Learn to thirst, to crave more of God
• Learn to press in for more of Him, even when I feel nothing
• Encourage, love, and serve those around me
• Trust I’m where God wants me to be
• Trust that God is faithfully going to be who He always has been (including my provider)
• *Surrender my works-based mentality that says I need to do this and do that to earn God’s love and favor – when He says to wait, that’s literally what He wants me to do
• Practice self-discipline (spiritual disciplines of reading the Word, praying, fasting are all crucial)
• Sit at His feet and listen while waiting

So if you want to know what God is doing in me right now, there it is. He has placed visions in my heart for the present and the future, but for the most part all I’m doing is waiting on Him.

I’m still seeking His heart about a few different things. For example:

• what job to get for this season of being in Louisiana (I’ve applied for two so far)
• where to live (depends on what job I get)
• how to prepare for my next season (???)

If you’re in God’s waiting room, I’ll encourage you with what a good friend of mine once told me: you’re in good company! Haha. So from one waiter to the next, remember to trust God and have faith that no matter what, He’s always good.

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.” -Psalm 37:7