If you read my last blog post, I shared with the world (aka the 15 people who read my posts) that for 2018 I was going to intentionally be more present with who I’m surrounded by, and to encourage this change I made a declaration that I was not going to use social media for all of 2018.

Well, that didn’t last long.

I’ve gotten on Facebook at least 15 times since the new year. Also I didn’t stop spending time on my phone – I just found new ways to waste time! IMDB and I became best friends, so if you have any questions about Zooey Deschanel or if you want to know the connection between Big Hero 6 and How to Train Your Dragon, I’ve gotcha covered. I have, however, taken slightly fewer pictures than I normally take, so there’s that win. *fist pump*

So in summary, I’ve already broken my goals of who New-Year-new-me was going to be.

In the short week of 2018, I’ve experienced mega Everest high points as well as rock bottom low points. This year hasn’t turned out like I expected, but it has already developed a theme: God is a patient, loving, and redemptive Father.

Over my holiday break I also regressed in my health goals. I only worked out twice, and eating healthy became a distant memory. My quiet times became more shallow, too. All around, the person that I was during my time in Louisiana was everything I no longer want to be. It was like a super exaggerated caricature of the old Tiffany, B.C.

Okay maybe it wasn’t that drastic, but it was close.

Pause. Now let’s go back to December.

At the end of December we asked God what He had in store for us in the next few months. He told me that in January He would pour out His faithfulness on me. I didn’t know what that meant, but it sounded exciting! He’s such a loving Father, ya know? So I knew it would be good.

Resume present time. I’ve not been seeking His presence. I’ve barely touched His Word. I’ve failed at my goals. Not only have I not done anything to earn His previously mentioned poured-out faithfulness, but I’ve also behaved in such a way that should make Him not want to pour out His faithfulness and kindness on me. If I were Him, I would be like, “Well, you’re not acting like you love Me, so why should I pour My love on you?”

The good news (the news of hope) is that God is not like me. His ways are greater and His thoughts are higher. His character is solid. He does not change and He does not lie. And, according to scripture, God loves to lavish His love on us. Hard to believe, but true.

So where have I found Abba in this week that I have completely failed? I’ve found Him doing just what He said He would do: pouring out His faithfulness on me. It has looked different each time, but every time I can feel Him beaming down and shouting, “I love you this much! And more!”

He has been blessing me financially. He has been giving me the opportunity to spend special quality time with some people I love very much and rarely get to see. He has let me feel His presence, my favorite thing in the world. He has been speaking so gently and kindly through His Word. Goodness, He is SO GOOD!

I’ve been battling unworthiness so significantly this past season, and I am blown away that He is intentionally and passionately pouring Himself out to me just to show me that His love for me is real and never ending and never changing. I could never do anything to earn His love, or to make Him love me more, or to make Him love me less. I’m His daughter. His mercies are new for me every morning. His kindness leads me to repentance, where I find Jesus’s arms stretched wide and waiting to embrace me, every time. My hope is Christ in me, the hope of glory. His Spirit dwells inside me, so He is my security and hope and righteousness.

Y’all, we’ll never find a love that even comes close. It’s crazy. Our hearts were made for love and communion with our Creator, and He sent His Son to be crucified to reconcile us to Himself. What love could possibly compare?

And, to be honest, even if God never did a single thing again to show me He loves me, His love still would be the most valuable thing I’ve ever known. He would still be worthy of my life and my whole heart. We serve a mighty God.

I’m not trying to promote a self-centered gospel, because it’s definitely not about me. It’s about Jesus. But that’s what I’m trying to show you – Jesus relentlessly pursues the hearts of those He loves, and all He wants is for us to love Him back. He paid for our love; obedience and sanctification are byproducts of knowing Him and His love and then loving Him back. The gospel summed up is that God loved us, we rejected Him for sin, Jesus gave His life to pay for our sin, God still loves us, and God wants us to love Him back. He’s still the center. Our job is to believe that our sin separates us from Him, repent from that sin, and start walking with Jesus as our Lord. When you do this and taste His love, you’ll wonder why you hadn’t made this decision sooner. When He is our center, His love changes everything.

I hope this encourages you. As for me, I’m excited to see how 2018 plays out. I’ve learned so far that at the end of the day, God is the hero, with His cape of relentless love and His strength of Jesus’s blood making Him the victorious King of my heart. I love Him so much, and He loves me more.

Oh, and He loves me with and without bangs, which I just got this new year! New me, right? 😉

P.s. Go to YouTube and search “Reckless Love” by Bethel! You won’t regret it 😄👍🏻