I have never considered my mortality. At least, not seriously. During worship I sing songs about God’s triumph over death and during prayer I confess to Jesus my yearning to be with Him, but both of those concepts have always felt very, very far away. Cancer has definitely changed that.

Now I think about death a lot. Is this cancer going to kill me? Is cancer going to kill my husband? Do we have days, months, or years left? Have I set up my affairs? Who are my beneficiaries? What kind of funeral would I want? These thoughts and more have been bouncing around in my mind quite often since my and my husband’s diagnoses.

However, a week ago I had an experience that really narrowed my focus and opened my eyes. Shortly after coming home from a dose of chemo, I had a very alarming experience. I was trying to do a simple task in my home when all of a sudden my sense of hearing stopped, blood drained from my head, my fingers and hands started tingling, and I started gasping for breath. I couldn’t tell if my heart was beating out of my chest or if my heartbeat had slowed. For a very long moment I thought I was about to die.

Looking back (and after consulting my oncologist), I realize I was very dehydrated and if anything I probably would have just fainted. But in that moment it did not feel that way, and I thought my time had come.

When you think you’re about to die, brain fog dissipates. For me, one thought crystallized immediately: “My hands are empty.” I thought I was about to stand face-to-face with Jesus, and I was devastated because I felt like I wasn’t going to have anything to offer Him.

I’ve been mulling over that concept (empty hands) in my heart since then, and it has really turned my world upside-down. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6 to not lay up for ourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but to lay up treasures in heaven. It’s a familiar passage, but, to be honest with you, it’s not one I have spent much time thinking on.

Not until now. Now I can’t stop thinking about the fact that we aren’t taking anything from this world with us. Not a single thing. Not our clothes or plants or journals or phones or saving accounts or retirement plans – nothing we cling to and value above all else. Not even our bodies! When it’s time for us to go, we take nothing. We will have “empty hands,” except for whatever heavenly treasures we have stored up.

So what might it look like when your treasure (and your heart) are being stored up on earth? Your treasure is on earth simply when you prioritize earthly, temporary things over heavenly, eternal things.

Here are a few examples of storing earthly treasures:

• buying many material goods, hoping to find happiness from them
• keeping all of my paycheck for me rather than tithing and giving to ministers of the gospel who rely on financial partners
• treating the cashier and waiter like a means to an end rather than like a soul that is either going to heaven or hell one day
• setting my own course for my life to build accolades for my name
• continuing to watch my favorite tv show when Jesus is asking me to spend some time with Him
• becoming obsessed with fitness, my external appearance, and others’ opinions of me
• trying to be good enough to earn my salvation
• prioritizing entertainment and comfort over time with Jesus

The list could go on and on. Notice not every example deals with money, although your dealings with money do reflect a lot about your relationship with the Lord.

A good test to see if something in your life is an earthly treasure or a heavenly treasure is the fire test. In 1 Corinthians 3, Paul talks about how we are God’s workers, building with either gold, silver, and precious stones or wood, hay, and straw (verse 13). He writes that “each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is. If anyone’s work endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire” (verses 14-15).

That passage of scripture so accurately depicts how my heart was marked last week. I don’t want to get to that day that I finally get to stand before Jesus only to find that I’ve spent my life building with wood, hay, and straw, so that I have nothing to offer Him. I don’t want to just be saved. I want to have an offering to give Him. I want the Lamb that was slain to receive His full reward in me. And if I stop and look at my life now, I don’t see much of an offering. Not as much as it could be. So I’m taking this as my wake-up call, and I’m praying that God would redeem the time I have wasted.

Moving forward, I want to store up mounds and mounds of heavenly treasure. I’m hoping that, before making a decision, I will stop and ask myself, “Will this fill my hands when I stand before Jesus?”

Because, friend, you and I will stand and give an account of our lives. Romans 14 tells us we will stand before the Judgment Seat of Christ and give an account of ourselves to God. Every hateful word, selfish act, perverted thought – it will all be revealed. Nothing will remain hidden!

Jesus coming back for a spotless Bride. Let us get ready for His return!