God is jealous for you. More specifically, He is jealous for the attention and devotion of your heart. Centralizing your innermost desire and focus on anything other than God – a person, a job, food, outward appearance, money, a status, or just about anything – is called idolatry. Our Heavenly Father communicates very clearly in His Word that He is not, has never been, and will never be okay with idolatry. 

In the Old Testament, idolatry sprang up in the hearts of men very blatantly. One instance was when God’s children asked Moses’s brother Aaron to create a golden calf to worship while Moses was talking with God on Mount Sinai (Exodus 24). This type of bold idolatry seems strange to me, probably because the pagan gods that have arrested my heart are more subtle. I have to admit, though, the Israelites did not try to disguise their unfaithfulness to God as I have done in the past. They were bold enough to outwardly express, “We don’t trust You, God!” or, “We are placing our devotion at the feet of something other than You!” Meanwhile when idolatry creeps into my heart, I am quick to deny it and instead claim that of course I don’t love anything more than I love God (lie). 

You may be thinking, “What did you say? You love something or someone more than God?” My transparent response to that is yes, I have loved several things more than I have loved God. (Thanks, flesh!) I have loved myself, my family, my boyfriends, my job, my health, my money, and several other things more than I have loved God. This is why I am writing this blog post today – to share how God has helped me get through idolatry and place my focus back on His glorious self. 

The one type of idolatry that I have struggled with for as long as I can remember is the idolatry of a potential “soul mate.” I have desired a life partner for most of my life for many different reasons; the most recent reason has been because of discontentment. At my age (22) most of my friends are married and have children by now. God has taught me over and over again that comparison is the thief of joy, and this is especially true now. If I remove my gaze from the glory of God for even just a moment and begin to look around at the lives of those around me, I will start feeling jealous and I will likely do something dumb out of discontentment to speed up the process of finding a life partner (like creating a ChristianMingle account, for example). 

This idolatry causes so much damage: 

1. I begin to doubt God’s provision, so my actions declare that I don’t trust Him. 
2. I create shallow relationships with people I’m not truly interested in, who assume I am.
3. My actions say that my timing is best instead of the Divine timing of my Father. 
4. My sense of self worth becomes attached to guys’ opinions of me. 
5. I ignore the Holy Spirit when He tells me ever so gently that I am walking contrary to God’s will for my life. 

The list could continue for a while. This cycle always ends the same way – God shows me in some way or another that my heart is not prepared for a relationship, which is evident in my quick retreat to idolatry. In college I clung to Debi Pearl’s book, Preparing to be a Help Meet, which explains that a person’s season of singleness (male or female) is a season of preparation; however, Pearl also explains that more than that, it is a season for a child of God to experience unwavering and uninterrupted intimacy with God. 

In his lyrics to “Move,” Flame puts it this way: “You in that relationship: do you plan to marry her? Love her like Christ loved the church til you bury her? You in that relationship: do you plan to marry him? Submit to him like you are the church, or just worry him? If you’re not, then back it up; flee the temptation. You could spend your singleness witnessing to the nations!”

Essentially he is explaining how, as a person who is untethered to a specific person or location, there is no limit to how you could serve God and be His hands and feet! Paul addresses this in 1 Corinthians 7, where he says, 

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” (vs. 32-35, NIV)

Basically, if you are in your season of singleness, ask the Lord how He wants you to serve Him. Seek Him with all your heart. Get to know Him as much as possible while your heart is free from the distraction of a spouse. I once read online a piece of relationship advice that might help you: run as fast as you can towards God, and if someone keeps up, introduce yourself. This means your focus should not be on escaping singleness, but rather on getting closer to God always. If you meet someone whose ministry combined with yours will bring glory to God and bring you both closer to our Father, pray about the potential for that relationship. If God says no, He is looking out for your best interest, so give Him glory. If He says yes, He has adequately prepared your heart, so give Him glory. 

If you are struggling with idolatry in your season of singleness, or you are struggling with idolatry at all, feel free to send me a message. I will pray for you to find joy and contentment in the presence of none but your Savior. 

Lastly, I want to offer some advice if you are idolizing a potential relationship partner: pray for that person, and then pray for that person’s future spouse. I mean earnestly pray for them. If I notice a godly man who fits the standards I have set for my future husband and I can’t stop thinking about how he could be “the one,” I pray for him and for whoever his future wife might be, which eliminated my idolatry. My prayer always comes from the heart, but it usually is something to this effect:

Father, you know my heart. I want to love You above all else. I am so sorry for letting my gaze drift from You. I honesty want Your will from my life, and I can’t stand it when I get distracted with idolizing a godly young man. Lord, please bless him and his future wife. Lead them closer to You. I pray that they would get to know You intimately, and that they would bring abounding glory to Your name. Mold his future wife into a godly woman who fears You and loves You more than anything else. Break any chains in their lives. Make his heart a mirror image of Yours. I know their combined ministry will reach lost souls, so I rebuke anything the enemy tries to do to hinder that relationship. I love You, Lord. Tune my heart to sing only praise to You. In Jesus’s name.