Wow. Jesus is so beautiful, y’all. The abundant life He offers us is so amazing. The price He paid for the wrath we deserve is unbelievable. His relentless and reckless pursuit of our hearts is overwhelming. Jesus is beautiful. 

Several people reached out to me in response to my last blog post in concern and love because of some thoughts I shared. I didn’t want to let anybody think that Jesus left my mind and heart in that place, so I’m writing to give a little update. 

Ever since I arrived here in California (and even actually starting back in Paris in July when I met trΞd), God began ushering me into this new season of deep inner healing. I would have private conversations with Abba, then later the exact same thing would come out of someone else’s mouth word for word. God was letting me know that He sees me, He hears me, and there was a purpose for everything I was going through. 

As soon as this internship began, certain strongholds in my heart started showing up. Specifically, I started struggling with comparison (obvious in my last post), fear of rejection, and fear of abandonment. The enemy started attacking me in the night: I would either have a really shallow sleep where I felt no rest (which is really challenging when you have boot camp and ballet and gymnastics to recover from), or I would have demonic dreams. These dreams distorted my view of reality and weighed me down with the strongholds I just mentioned. Condemnation was my garment almost every morning; as soon as my eyes opened I was locked into the mindset that had developed in my dreams. It seemed as though all around me everyone else was walking in freedom and joy, and I desperately yearned for the same thing. 

Through worship, one-on-one meetings, and living in community, the Lord brought me to a very intimate place of brokenness. On Sunday night, I sat curled into a ball and cried into my Abba – He rushed to my rescue. He gently reminded me of a word someone had recently spoken over me, then He kindly opened my mind to its meaning, which blew my mind. Then He lovingly led me to rebuke the demons of those strongholds that have been so persistently plaguing me the majority of my life. 

Our God is perfect in knowledge and wisdom (Job 36:4-5). 

After meeting with Him, I walked away in true freedom and joy. Since that time, I haven’t had anymore demonic dreams. I have slept deeply. Abba has woken me up in the morning with His banner of victory. I can tell that, just as my body is changing in response to the challenges I’ve been facing physically, my spirit is growing, too. 

Now God has increased His joy in my heart. He has invited me to dream with Him. He is refining and loving me to wholeness. As He continues to reset my eyes on His glory, I’m being conformed to the image of Christ. What a good and kind God we serve! I am so undeserving of His love. 

What is God teaching you? Where are some areas of your heart you might need healing in? We serve the Healer of all healers, y’all. Let His love restore you and give you a new hope with a heavenly perspective. Get alone with Abba and hear what He wants to say. 

“Since Your love’s got a home on me | I’m a new creation, I’m forever changed” -United Pursuit