One thing the Lord has been emphasizing to me in this season is that He is a good and kind Father who gives good gifts.
In scripture, Jesus explains that if a son asks his earthly father for bread, he’s not going to instead be given a stone. He immediately follows with, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” (Matthew 7:9-11).
I love that the ESV version of this passage ends with an exclamation point. Jesus is so passionate about people knowing the real, true character of God the Father. One of Jesus’s purposes was to be the image of the unseen God (John 14:9). If you want to know who God is, look to Jesus!
My head knows that God is a good Father who gives good gifts, but my heart has yet to grasp it fully. The enemy has persistently yelled in my ear for as long as I can remember that I’m not worthy or deserving of any good things, so God is gently correcting me with His loving Truth.
Not only is God showing me that He gives good gifts, but He is also encouraging me to get excited about things He has planned for me. In the past I would think about my future with dread and anxiety, because (in my mind) obviously nobody is ever going to want to pursue my heart so I’ll be single forever and my life will go nowhere. (Feel free to roll your eyes at dramatic pre-Jesus-healing me.) Over time, He has taught me that my identity is in His view of me, that He has always been and always will be pursuing my heart, and that He is calling me to big plans. Now that that’s established, Papa is stirring my heart to look forward to things that are to come!
One thing my heart has so excitedly been longing for (and now I feel free to think about) is being someone’s favorite. Perhaps it stems from being oppressed by demons of rejection, abandonment, and unworthiness, but all my life I’ve never felt like I was the favorite.
But – SOMEDAY! Haha. I’m so excited.
Someday I’ll be someone’s favorite. Someday, in a crowd full of people, I’ll be the face someone searches for. Someday, at a gathering, someone will make an effort to be near me. Someday, in a group conversation, someone will incline their ear to hear what I’m thinking, even if I get talked over by other people. Someday, at the end of a long day, someone will laugh at me effortlessly, despite their exhaustion. Someday, someone will ask me about my family and my favorite color and which ice cream flavor I like and what makes me wrinkle my nose just because they want to know.
In the picture above this post is a sunflower. Just like I chose one sunflower out of all the beautiful sunflowers in the labyrinth at the pumpkin farm, someday someone will choose me. What a delightful thought.
I guess I’m just sharing this because Jesus has brought me freedom so that these thoughts don’t stem from a place of discontentment or bitterness. I’m happy where God has me right now, where He is the only one pursuing my heart. (And He’s pretty perfect at it.)
Yet, at the same time, I sort of catch my breath at the thought that someday God will give me the gift of being pursued by someone, and I’ll get to be a gift to them, too.
God is so good and so kind to me.
